This Brother just ain’t BIG enough!

June 24th, 2009

Pocket

Rowan Manahan has an excellent post on the attempts made by the city of Bozeman, Montana, to find out everything it can about job applicants by insisting they “list any and all, current personal or business websites, web pages or memberships on any Internet-based chat rooms, social clubs or forums, to include, but not limited to: Facebook, Google, Yahoo, YouTube.com, MySpace, etc.”

Those Bozeman bozos are amateurs! They forgot the following:

  • A copy of every key you own, labelled to indicate what it opens
  • A copy of every key everyone in your family owns, labelled to indicate what it opens
  • Your mobile phone
  • A DNA sample from all your sexual partners, ever
  • A video of all your sexual activities, ever
  • Detailed notes on your sexual fantasies, differentiating between those that you would enact given the chance and those that even you consider too obscene to enact
  • A notarised copy of your voting history
  • A list of all the people about whom you have ever said: “I could kill that bastard!”
  • Details of your religious beliefs
  • Details (dates, times, circumstances) of every time you have ever exclaimed “God damn it!” or “Jesus Christ!”
  • A list of every publication you have ever read
  • A list of every country you have ever visited
  • The names, dates of birth, social security numbers and contact details of all your friends
  • The names, dates of birth, social security numbers and contact details of all your enemies

One Response to “This Brother just ain’t BIG enough!”

  1. Rowan Manahanon 24 Jun 2009 at

    Plus urine, faeces and sperm/egg samples please!

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