December 17th, 2008


I have often described myself as a practising agnostic, joking that this involves kneeling by my bed each night reciting “Fucked if I know” one hundred times.

Crude humour aside, my agnosticism is not simply down to my being too lazy to go to church. I have thought long and hard about it and have reached certain conclusions through reasoning, not laziness. I can also tell you that it takes more strength than you might realise to go through dark times in your life without being able to turn to a god. I have heard people telling me I simply need to open my heart to Jesus, but that is a conceit, because to open my heart to Jesus, I would have to believe in him in the first place.

I’m not even sure that the term “agnostic” is entirely appropriate. While I do not have any belief that there is a thing as “God”, I do have beliefs and I thought I would share some of them with you (in no particular order).

  1. I believe that when my brain stops functioning, I will cease to exist. Whatever remains, whether alive or dead, will not be me.
  2. I believe that this is simply the natural way of things and is not a reason to be sad or afraid.
  3. I believe I should do the right thing because it is right, not because I hope to go to heaven.
  4. I believe that I should do the right thing because it is right, not because I fear hell.
  5. I believe that as long as you aren’t hurting anyone else, I should not tell you how to live your life.
  6. I believe you should offer me the same courtesy.
  7. I believe that you have the right to believe in something that I don’t believe in.
  8. I believe you should offer me the same courtesy.
  9. I believe that no one should hurt anyone or any thing in the name of their god or their religion.
  10. I believe that the colour of your skin does not matter.
  11. I believe that having or not having a Y chromosome does not make you superior or inferior, just complementary.
  12. I believe that love is love, regardless of the gender combination involved.
  13. I believe that marriage is the union of two lives, not two genders.
  14. I believe that people have the right to choose a dignified death.
  15. I believe that if my way of life causes you offence, you should spend less time scrutinising my way of life.
  16. I believe that we each perceive the universe in a unique way, thus we each create our own, subjective universe and true objectivity is impossible.
  17. I believe that when we die, our unique universe ceases to exist, thus nothing we do in life matters.
  18. I believe that when we die, our unique universe ceases to exist, thus everything we do in life matters.
  19. I believe that diabetes, not masturbation, makes you go blind.
  20. I believe that bad things happen to good people because they were there at the time.
  21. I believe that everything has a cause, but nothing happens “for a reason”.
  22. I believe, therefore, that we should continually make the best of our current situation until death is unavoidable.
  23. I believe that whining serves no purpose.
  24. I believe that I am flawed.
  25. I believe that I can be better.
  26. I believe that light hearted profanity is less fucking offensive than puritanical anger.
  27. I believe that all children should feel wanted.
  28. I believe that no child should hear the words “You are stupid”.
  29. I believe that all children should be aware of their weaknesses as well as their strengths.
  30. I believe, therefore, that telling children they can be anything is as harmful as telling them they will never be anything.
  31. I believe that society should help the sick – all of them.
  32. I believe that charity begins at home.
  33. I believe that the whole planet is our home.
  34. I believe that there are no more than six degrees between me and Kevin Bacon.
  35. I believe, therefore, that someone’s problem on the other side of the planet, is not simply their problem.
  36. I believe in teaching people to fish.
  37. I believe that human civilisation is a marvel.
  38. I believe that the existence of human civilisation is a fleeting, inconsequential micro-blip in the life of the cosmos.
  39. I believe, therefore, that none of the bullshit we think is so important is actually worth worrying about.
  40. I believe that when I behave like an arsehole, you should pull me up on it.
  41. I believe I should offer you the same courtesy.
  42. I believe that the world should be a better place for my having been in it.
  43. I believe that infinity is a concept, not a being.
  44. I believe in myself.
  45. I believe in you.

10 Responses to “Credo”

  1. wychwoodon 17 Dec 2008 at

    I believe that any attempt to be profound after that will fall pretty darn flat, so I would simply like to say: That’s a pretty nice list. :)

    (I especially enjoyed no. 15).

  2. Declan Chellaron 17 Dec 2008 at

    I believe I should replace the bullets with numbers.

  3. Rowan Manahanon 17 Dec 2008 at


    Are you sure you’re not the Messiah?

    Really sure?

  4. Declan Chellaron 17 Dec 2008 at

    I suspect my mother thinks I am, but then she’s Irish. :)

  5. Rowan Manahanon 17 Dec 2008 at

    Plus, there’s the uncanny resemblance to Gandhi …

    I see a big following in your future (“Well I say you’re the Messiah and I should know – I’ve followed a few in my time”)

    It’s going to be great! Think of the time you’ll save commuting barefoot on inland waterways; think of the unthinking women; think of the stadia full of adoring acolytes; think of the scientology ninjas sent to wipe you out; think of the FBI and the ATF storming your global headquarters; think of the late night comedians making fun of your lack of hair …

  6. Declan Chellaron 17 Dec 2008 at

    I’m not the Messiah! I’m not the Messiah!

  7. wychwoodon 18 Dec 2008 at

    I like the numbers! However, either my screen has cut them in half, or your numbers are exquisitely modest.

  8. Declan Chellaron 18 Dec 2008 at

    I think have fixed the numbering problem.

  9. wychwoodon 19 Dec 2008 at

    You know what? Admit you’re the Messiah and let the People worship you already!

    What can it hurt? First time ever, a Messiah with computing skills, a good nature and a stable temper!;)

  10. Declan Chellaron 20 Dec 2008 at

    In fairness to the most recent Messiah (you know, the one in the Hollywood movies), he only flipped his lid that one time when he found money lenders in the temple.

    And in the current climate, I’m sure most people would like to give a money lender a good kicking.

    If my bank manager is reading this, I don’t mean you, of course, and I don’t mean me. :)

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