Introduction to Dublinese #1

June 20th, 2008


Just in case any readers from beyond the sea decide to visit Dublin some day, I thought I would present the following scene to help you become accustomed to the local language.

A young Dubliner, bumps into two friends in the street.

Kaiser: Story, lads? Did yiz go t’the pictures last night?

Eyelash: Hawaya, head. Yeah, we went t’see Rambo 9.

Kaiser: Was it any use?

Turkey: It was massive!

Eyelash: I thought it was brutal.

Kaiser: I don’t think I’ll bother m’hole then.

Turkey: C’mon we’ll go for a gargle, I’ve a terrible throat on me. <indicates a pub across the street>

Kaiser: Not to Mooney’s. That place is a kip.

Eyelash: Let’s get some bevvies and take them back t’your gaff. Then we can watch the match on the box.

Turkey: No, my aul fella’s home tonight and yiz know what he’s like when he’s watching the Gaa. He ate the head off me last time I brought the lads home during a match.

Kaiser: <Pointing down the street>Look at that bowsie over there!

Turkey: Who?

Kaiser: Anto’s brother.

Eyelash: Ah, he’s an awful gobshite.

Kaiser: Hard t’believe when Anto’s such a decent skin.

Turkey: I don’t think he’s as thick as people think. He’s a cute hoor.

Kaiser: Well, he’s only an aul bollix then.

Eyelash: How is Anto? I haven’t seen him in donkeys.

Kaiser: He got his mot up the pole. They have a chisler now, so he doesn’t get out much. He even got rid of his ronnie for her.

Eyelash: Hate tha’.

Turkey: Not that young wan, Jacinta?

Kaiser: No, not that scanger! Angela’s sister.

Eyelash: You’re coddin!

Kaiser: No, head, I’m deadly.

Eyelash: Jaysus.

Kaiser: Here, have yiz got any odds? I need to get some fags from the Chinese.

Turkey: Yeah, I have some shrapnel here.

Eyelash: Get us a single with sore finger while you’re there, head.

Turkey: And then we can borrow your brother’s banger and go for a spin.

Kaiser: Can’t. Some Apache took it and and when he got it back it was banjaxed.

Turkey: I thought Tooler fixed that.

Kaiser: He made a haymes of it. The whole things bollixed now. <Departs across the road>

Turkey: Well, feck it, then. I’m going home.

Eyelash: Don’t be such a dry shite!

Turkey: Well, I’m not traipsing around here all night!

Eyelash: C’mon, when Kaiser gets back we’ll go down t’Slattery’s and get stocious.

Turkey: Savage!

Eyelash: Gear!

Kaiser: <Returning>Rapid!

Here is the translation…

A young Dubliner, bumps into two friends in the street.

Kaiser: What’s going on, chaps? Did you go to the cinema last night?

Eyelash: How are you, my friend? Indeed, we went to see Rambo 9.

Kaiser: Was it good?

Turkey: It was exceedingly good!

Eyelash: I thought it was dreadful.

Kaiser: I don’t think I’ll trouble myself to go and see it in that case.

Turkey: Come on, let’s go for a drink. I’m terribly thirsty. <indicates a pub across the street>

Kaiser: Let’s not go to Mooney’s. That place is in terrible condition.

Eyelash: Let’s get some refreshments and take them back to your domicile. Then we can watch the game on television.

Turkey: No, my father is home tonight and you both know what he is like when he is watching Gaelic games, that is to say Hurling and Gaelic Football. He gave me a right dressing down last time I brought the chaps home during a match.

Kaiser: <Pointing down the street>Look at that unsavoury young chap over there!

Turkey: Who?

Kaiser: Anthony’s brother.

Eyelash: Oh, he is such a terrible buffoon.

Kaiser: It’s hard to believe when Anthony is such a decent fellow.

Turkey: I don’t think he’s as stupid as people say. He’s a devious fellow of dubious character.

Kaiser: Well, he is nothing more than a malicious and undesirable chap then.

Eyelash: How is Anthony? I haven’t seen him in many years.

Kaiser: He impregnated his girlfriend. They have a child now, so he doesn’t get out much. He even got rid of his moustache for her.

Eyelash: Isn’t that dreadful?

Turkey: Surely you’re not referring to that young lady, Jacinta?

Kaiser: No, not that undesirable, young, working-class person who dresses in fake designer tracksuits, bleaches her hair and wears large, hooped ear-rings! Angela’s sister.

Eyelash: You’re joking!

Kaiser: No, my dear fellow, I’m quite serious.

Eyelash: Good lord!

Kaiser: Do you fellows have any loose change? I need to get some cigarettes from the Chinese restaurant.

Turkey: Indeed, I have some coins here.

Eyelash: Could I trouble you to get me a small portion of french fried potatoes with salt and vinegar while you’re there, old boy?

Turkey: And then we can borrow your brother’s dilapidated, old car and go for a drive.

Kaiser: I’m afraid we cannot. One of those, what’s the vulgar term, “joy riders” took it and when he got it back it was totally ruined.

Turkey: I thought Mr. O’Toole fixed that.

Kaiser: He made a dreadful mess of it. The whole things completly unserviceable now. <Departs across the road>

Turkey: Well, dash it all, then. I’m going home.

Eyelash: Don’t be such a bore!

Turkey: Well, I’m not lollygagging around here all night!

Eyelash: Come on, when Kaiser gets back we’ll go down to Slattery’s and drink ourselves into a stupor.

Turkey: Wonderful!

Eyelash: Wonderful!

Kaiser: <Returning>Wonderful!

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