Are you a looney?

June 19th, 2007


It’s easy to work out, in fact. Just take the following quiz:

Do you think God is more than just an imaginary friend?
Score 0 if you answered “No”
Score 1 if you answered “Yes”

Do you practise a religion of any sort?
Score 0 if you answered “No”
Score 1 if you answered “Yes”

Do you take offence if a writer says something uncomplimentary or humorous about your religion or any of the human participants therein or imaginary beings thereof?
Score 0 if you answered “No”
Score 1 if you answered “Yes”

Do you complain vociferously (even to the point of participating in public demonstrations) if a writer says something uncomplimentary or humorous about your religion or any of the human participants therein or imaginary beings thereof?
Score 0 if you answered “No”
Score 10 if you answered “Yes”

Do you firmly believe a writer should be killed if that writer says something uncomplimentary or humorous about your religion or any of the human participants therein or imaginary beings thereof?
Score 0 if you answered “No”
Score 5,000,000 if you answered “Yes”

RESULTS
0 points: Oh, dear. You’re just not trying, are you? 
1 point: You’re probably not a looney but you have the basic requirements.
2 points: You’re closer, but looneyhood is really just a pipe-dream for you.
3 points: You still have a considerable way to go to full looneyhood, but perhaps you should take time to consider that if God (assuming SHe isn’t just your imaginary friend) actually is all that great, then SHe’s not going to worry too much about what we meat-puppets say. I just can’t imagine SHe spends a lot of eternity growling: “Why I oughta…!!!
13 points: Looneyhood is just round the corner but you seem to lack that final commitment. At this stage, you are just a looneybee*.
5,000,000 points or more: Congratulations! You are a fully fledged LOONEY! Looneybees are in awe of you. Between lynchings, beatings, flayings, burnings and bombings, perhaps you should take a moment to consider the concept of blasphemy.

I’ve just thought of a line:

“That’s about as clever as standing beside Salman Rushdie in a Pakistani parliament.”

Must find a context I can use it in. Hmmm… How about…

“I wouldn’t eat that Polonium-210 if I were you, that’s about as clever as…”

* Looneybee: (n) A wannabee looney (I hereby claim credit for inventing this noun).

2 Responses to “Are you a looney?”

  1. wychwoodon 24 Jun 2007 at

    Hmm, I sense a musical in the making…:)

  2. Declan Chellaron 05 Jul 2007 at

    Hmmm… must see if I can come up with some lyrics.

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