Golf: They’ve got it all wrong!

May 25th, 2007

I don’t understand golf.

You have a bag full of different types of clubs. What are clubs for? Clubbing people. Yet there’s nothing in the rules that says you are supposed to club your opponents.

With a few minor changes to the rules, we could turn golf into an interesting and exciting activity.

It has to become a team sport. Eighteen holes… eighteen teams. Each team member is armed with a club because that’s what they are for. The objective of the game is to capture as many enemy greens as possible. When your team captures an enemy green, that team becomes part of your team.

Out of respect for the game’s origins, balls would still be used, but as artillery. A team could thus group together several members to rain a barrage of balls down on an enemy green. However, doing so would involve the risk of concentrating one’s troops, thereby leaving other areas less well defended.

The winning team would be the one that captures ten greens or more, or whichever team survives.

Now that’s golf that would be worth having on TV.

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