Archive for October, 2009

One letter off

October 25th, 2009

There is a thing doing the rounds on Twitter at the moment where people have to change the title of a movie by one letter (search for #oneletteroffmovies on Twitter).

Most of them don’t add a tag-line, but I think it’s funnier when you do.

I decided I couldn’t be arsed setting up a Twitter account just for this, so here are mine:

Schindler’s Lift
After the war, Oscar Schindler turns his hand to making lifts for hotels.

It’s a Wonderful Lift
Sequel to Schindler’s Lift

The Two Towels
Frodo, Sam and Gollum make their way into Mordor but there is tension at bath time when they discover that there are only two towels!

Forrest Gimp
After the stock-market crash, Forrest falls on hard times and moves to Amsterdam to earn his living in an S&M club.

The Dank Knight
Bruce Wayne battles fungal infection when he realises a latex suit is not such a great idea.

Raiders of the Lost Arm
Sequel to The Fugitive as federal agents try to track down the one-armed man’s other arm.

The Silence of the Limbs
Sequel to Raiders of the Lost Arm

The story of a man who lost his short-term memory in a brutal attack as he attempts unsuccessfully to get the attention of a busy Italian hotel receptionist.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mine
The story of the seven dwarfs, abandoned by Disney, and how they decide to keep themselves busy by tidying their mine.

Raging Ball
The story of a retired boxer’s fight against crotch rot.

All About Ewe
An ingenewe insinuates herself in to the company of an established but aging mouton and her circle of friends.

The Big Sheep
Sequel to All About Ewe

Indiana Jones and the Lust Crusade
Indiana Jones realises there is more to life than chasing antiquities and romps around Europe and North Africa getting his end away.

Stranglers on a Train

Appropriate retitling of the Hitchcock classic.

Ben Hun
Biopic about Attila’s lesser-known Jewish cousin.

WWII biopic based on recent research which revealed that one of the USA’s greatest generals was in fact a busty, blonde country singer.

Fits of Fury
A young martial artist repeatedly throws tantrums but ultimately achieves nothing.

Schindler's Lift

Schindler's Lift

Spanish army pays homage to Monty Python

October 13th, 2009

Yesterday was Día de la Hispanidad in Spain, the national holiday.

Strangely, some Spanish soldiers decided to celebrate by paying homage to Monty Python’s “precision drilling” sketch.

Dont come the Brigadier bitch with us, dear!

Don't come the Brigadier bitch with us, dear!

RIP Stephen Gately

October 13th, 2009

It doesn’t really touch me on a personal level that Stephen Gately has died, although it is always sad when someone dies and a tragedy when they go “before their time”. However, I did not know him personally, nor was I ever a Boyzone fan, so I’m not upset.

I am irritated, though, by the innuendo in the media. It’s disgraceful that the family’s lawyer had to issue statements to say that Stephen did not kill himself or die of a drugs overdose or after a binge drinking session.

If any of us knew someone who died at the age of thirty-three, we would immediately be thinking of the tragedy of it and how awful it must be for their loved ones and friends. But when it’s someone famous, or even better, someone famous and gay, the media have to look for something sordid.

Well, there was nothing sordid. The poor man died of a pulmonary oedema. Would it have been too much for the media to have waited for the autopsy report instead of speculating?

Of course, it would have been too much, because decency doesn’t sell papers.

I have a vision of a large sack of snakes into which hack journalists would be thrown and then beaten with sticks. Form a disorderly queue.