Archive for April, 2009

Irish Blasphemers, get your licks in while you can

April 29th, 2009

I think I just woke up in the 1920s.

The Irish Times on-line is reporting that Fianna Fáil (the Irish political party currently fucking up the country, if you’re not from Ireland) wants to make it a crime to blaspheme.

Minister for Justice Dermot Ahern proposes to insert a new section into the Defamation Bill, stating: “A person who publishes or utters blasphemous matter shall be guilty of an offence and shall be liable upon conviction on indictment to a fine not exceeding €100,000.”

The Cambridge on-line dictionary has decided to be the Cambridge off-line dictionary today, so I went to Merriam-Webster instead. They define “blasphemy” as follows:

1 a: the act of insulting or showing contempt or lack of reverence for God b: the act of claiming the attributes of deity

2: irreverence toward something considered sacred or inviolable

I imagine there would be so many legal problems with such a law that it could never be applied.

With reference to 1a in that definition, surely in legal terms, in order to convict someone of showing contempt for God, you would first have to prove that God exists?

In the case of 1b, does the Minister for Justice (no, really, JUSTICE) seriously intend prosecuting every nutter who claims to be God? That’s what he would have to do in order to fairly apply this ridiculous law.

As for 2, it would mean that if even one person considered something sacred or inviolable, that thing would have to be legally protected from blasphemy. For example, I consider my bollocks to be pretty sacred and inviolable. That would mean I could have somebody arrested for laughing at my two veg in the changing room at the gym.

A return to the glory days of the Church?

A return to the glory days of the Church?

Seeing as the Minister wants to turn back the clock, the next thing you know he will want to bring in a law making it legal for the Catholic Church to start raping children again. Oops! Did I just show irreverence for the Catholic Church. Don’t some people consider that institution sacred?

I’ll save you the bother, Minister, I’ll put myself on the rack just after I finish heating up the branding irons.


Twenty Major says it as eloquently as ever here.

If you want to express your opinion to the Minister, you can contact him as follows:

Constituency Office
Dermot Ahern TD
28 Francis Street
Co. Louth
042 9329023

Dáil Office
Dermot Ahern TD
Dáil Éireann
Leinster House
Kildare Street
Dublin 2
01 618 3000

Musing #42

April 29th, 2009

Genius is wasted without the balls to implement it!

Free Hug Prank – Watch more Funny Videos

Because Simon Cowell won’t always be there

April 23rd, 2009

Self awareness is very important.

It’s important to know when you are really good at something and particularly when you are really, really shite at something.

It’s important in the former case so you know when you should be exercising your talents for your own and the greater good.

It’s important in the latter case so that you don’t put yourself at risk of being lynched in public.

Warning: while watching and listening to this video clip, you will feel tempted to drive hot needles into your eardrums. Resist. The clip only lasts one minute and four seconds.

Torture is bad… unless it works

April 21st, 2009

The BBC news website today reports that former USA Vice President, Dick Cheney, is urging the CIA to release memos which make it clear that waterboarding actually works.

Apparently, Mr. Cheney’s has a problem with the fact that certain Bush Administration memos have been published recently which attempt to justify waterboarding without actually showing that it works. Mr. Cheney wants everyone to know that it is a successful technique.

“One of the things that I find a little bit disturbing about this recent disclosure is that they put out the legal memos… but they didn’t put out the memos that show the success of the effort.” (Dick Cheney)

So let me get this right, torture is bad unless it works?

Is it working yet? No? Well, keep going because we are breaking the law until it does.

Is it working yet? No? Well, keep going because we are breaking the law until it does.

What seems to be the problem?

April 16th, 2009

Insultant Rowan Manahan has an excellent post on what your options are when your boss asks for details about why you were off sick, even though you have provided a doctor’s note.

Here is my take on the scenario.

Boss: [firmly] So what exactly was wrong with you?
Me: [gently] I believe the doctor’s note provides all the appropriate information.
Boss: Yes, but I need more details.
Me: Why do you need those details?
Boss: A lot of people are faking illness these days and I want to be certain you were really ill.
Me: I’m sure you don’t mean to imply that either I was lying to my doctor or, perhaps more seriously, that my doctor is lying to you.
Boss: [slightly flustered] Of course not, I just need to understand the details.
Me: And what would you do with those details?
Boss: What?
Me: I mean, in the first place, are you qualified to understand them and interpret them on a medical level, and in the second place how can I be certain you will keep my medical information confidential?
Boss: [with indignation] Well, of course I would keep it confidential!
Me: It’s just that my doctor can be struck off for divulging my medical information.
Boss: So?
Me: Well, can you lose your job and never work as a boss again if you, accidentally of course, let slip some of my intimate details to your assistant?
Boss: Erm, no.
Me: You see my dilemma, don’t you?
Boss: Well…
Me: I tell you what, since I don’t really understand the details (it’s all medical gobbledegook to me), here’s my doctor’s phone number. I’m sure he can explain what you need to know.
[coughs into hand then offers handshake to boss]
Will that be all then?

Im not really sure what the problem is. The doctor said it was some kind of viral infection.

I'm not really sure what the problem is. The doctor said it was some kind of viral infection.

Musing #42

April 16th, 2009

I wonder if I could shave Schrödinger’s cat with Occam’s razor.

Musing #41

April 11th, 2009

What would happen if you were talking to God on the big, white telephone and you just got his voicemail?

More bizarreness from PETA

April 9th, 2009

The animal rights organisation called People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) could do a lot of good for animals where good is needed if it were not for some of the bizarre ideas they dream up.

In keeping with their futile and laughable attempts to rename things, they have written to The Pet Shop Boys, asking if they would rename themselves The Rescue Shelter Boys.

Apparently, the idea is that if the band changed its name, millions of fans would rush out and adopt an animal from a rescue shelter, instead of from a pet shop. Personally, I am against pet shops selling animals such as cats and dogs and I am for the application of laws that ensure the well-being of animals sold by pet shops.

I admire your motives, PETA, but frankly your tactics make you look like feckin’ eejits.

You need to fire your strategist and hire someone who isn’t a gobshite.

If it were anyone else

April 9th, 2009

If I decided to hit a total stranger, who had done me no harm, across the legs and then shove him to the ground with both hands, I would be charged with assault.

If that stranger subsequently died, I am sure I would be charged with manslaughter.

The video footage of the assault on Mr. Ian Tomlinson shows how human nature controls even trained police. The policeman who assaulted Mr. Tomlinson behaved like a thug when placed into the tense environment of the G20 protests. What is more, none of his colleagues offered Mr. Tomlinson any immediate assistance, I imagine because an “us versus them” mentality had taken over: one of us hit him, therefore he must be in the wrong.

It should be noted that the police (presumably a different group of officers) tried to revive Mr. Tomlinson later when he suffered his heart attack. It should also be noted that the officers involved have come forward, pending an investigation. I feel sorry for them as I would for anyone who lets a tense and emotional situation carry them away. Given a baton and a uniform and a potential riot, how many of us would have behaved better?

However, I feel far more sorrow for the family of the late Ian Tomlinson.