Archive for May, 2007

Tory quits post over grammars row

May 29th, 2007

Tory quits post over grammars row

How embarrassingly ironic! Surely that should be “grammar”.

Musing #14

May 29th, 2007

Sometimes in life you need a window, sometimes you need a mirror, and sometimes you need a window that acts as a mirror… erm… and ting.

Golf: They’ve got it all wrong!

May 25th, 2007

I don’t understand golf.

You have a bag full of different types of clubs. What are clubs for? Clubbing people. Yet there’s nothing in the rules that says you are supposed to club your opponents.

With a few minor changes to the rules, we could turn golf into an interesting and exciting activity.

It has to become a team sport. Eighteen holes… eighteen teams. Each team member is armed with a club because that’s what they are for. The objective of the game is to capture as many enemy greens as possible. When your team captures an enemy green, that team becomes part of your team.

Out of respect for the game’s origins, balls would still be used, but as artillery. A team could thus group together several members to rain a barrage of balls down on an enemy green. However, doing so would involve the risk of concentrating one’s troops, thereby leaving other areas less well defended.

The winning team would be the one that captures ten greens or more, or whichever team survives.

Now that’s golf that would be worth having on TV.

Whisky giant sold to billionaire

May 16th, 2007

Whisky giant sold to billionaire

Fee, fi, fo, fum! OK, sho you own me now… but where’sh my hot toddy, y’rich bashtard?

Ballack and Kahn win sex toy suit

May 14th, 2007

Ballack and Kahn win sex toy suit

What? A whole suit that acts as a sex toy? Can you buy one of those in Marks and Spencers menswear department? Is it a two-piece or a three-piece suit? What competition do I have to enter to win one?

Musing #13

May 14th, 2007

I wonder whether hypnotists have a cure for narcolepsy.

Musing #12

May 3rd, 2007

Is “very mediocre” better or worse than “mediocre”?