Declan Chellar October 25th, 2006
Three very simple words, yet people nowadays seem unable or unwilling to say them. I don’t understand it. If I’m standing in front of the baked beans in the supermarket and you want baked beans, how hard is it to wait until I have moved on or simply smile and say: “Excuse me, please”?
Today I was in a branch of Pret a Manger with my girlfriend. We were standing just in front of one of the sandwich cabinets, trying to decide what to eat. There was just about enough room for someone to squeeze in front of us, so that’s exactly what happened. This middle-aged woman (sorry, love, it’s true… mutton dressed as mutton) shoved herself in front of us and I suddenly went from considering a tuna salad sandwich to contemplating the back of her head.
I said to Gema, while still looking at this ignoramus’s head: “Nobody says ‘Excuse Me’ anymore.”
She turned round and said, with a smile: “Excuse me” and returned to perusing the sandwiches.
I replied, without a smile: “You’re excused.”
Without turning round again, she said: “Well, you were standing back from the cabinet.”
What the fuck did she think we were looking at? Were we Daoists contemplating the empty space that lay between us and the display?
This was no isolated incident. People always seemed to shove in front or reach across you. One time Gema was on her haunches, looking at something on a bottom shelf in Boots. Some old woman wanted the same item and in her eagerness, knocked Gema flat on her back and walked away without a word.
Another time, I was at the cinema, playing a video game as I passed the time. Without my realising, the queue had grown and people were standing right behind me. Suddenly, I felt someone poke me in the shoulder. I turned to see a middle-aged man and his wife. They just stared at me but said nothing. Then I realised they couldn’t get past because the queue was right behind me. However, since I didn’t appreciate being poked and since they didn’t actually ask to get past, I ignored them and went back to my game.
A moment later the same man just shoved me aside and the two of them joined the end of the queue. Again, not a word from either of them. At this point I abandoned my game and stood looking at them. Once I caught their eye, I walked… what adverb to use… resolutely towards them.
Now I scrub up reasonably well, but on that occasion I was unshaven and wearing a black track-suit, so combined with the look of “You’re going down, fucker!” on my face, I’m sure I was an intimidating sight. Anyway, Mr. and Mrs. Nomanners expressions were as if they had just run into the back of Vinnie Jones’s car. They positively blanched. I walk up to Mr. Nomanners and stuck my face into his.
“I was brought up to say ‘Excuse me’, not push,” I said quietly and walked away.
I’m sure I could hear the sound of fecal matter being passed.
I blame Burger King. “Have it your way!”
That’s what companies have been pounding into us for well over a decade now in Britain and Ireland. It’s not just Burger King. It’s credit card companies, banks, loan companies… Everyone is telling us that we can have whatever we want. We don’t have to ask. It’s ours by right. The big push to foist loans onto people has meant no one believes they have to earn something any more. They can have whatever they want now.
“I want” seems to have become most people’s mantra. “I want that sandwich. You’re standing in front of it? Fuck you! I’ll just elbow you out of the way.”
I think there is also an element of people being afraid to communicate with a stranger these days. That simple “I beg your pardon” seems to be beyond people, regardless of their generation. Now despite the fact that I think people are not much above cattle (to judge by their group behaviour), I try to smile as much as possible when I’m surrounded by them, as much out of courtesy as anything else. Have you looked at people as they try to shove past or reach across you for something? They are determined not to catch your eye. They are afraid of communicating with you.
Do me a favour… Next time you want something and someone else is in the way, make sure you use those three simple words. No, not “Move aside, shithead!”
Yes, those three: “Excuse me, please.”
And don’t forget to smile.
Post Script
Famed “Insultant”, Rowan Manahan, has a nice post on the topic of courtesy.
  
